Internet Dating – The Post-modern Dating Scene

At one time, internet dating was synonymous with desperados, dodgy swingers, or doting old men trying to get a date. Over the last 4 years, as the internet has become an even more popular medium, and more and more people struggle to fit a social life into their busy schedule, internet dating has exploded in popularity, and more of my friends not only admit that they date on internet, but argue that it’s the best way to meet guys or girls online. No smoky night clubs, no drunken kisses, and no hangover in the morning, thinking – ‘Oh my god! What have I done?’  All you do is switch on, start to search and ‘voila’ over 1 million prospective partners ready and waiting for love at the click of a button.  Every imaginable type of person is available – young and old, short or tall, blond or brunette. Imagine walking into a nightclub and making all brunettes under 5 foot 6 who are divorced suddenly disappear. Well, on the internet, that’s exactly what you can do. It sounds so simple, but is it?

Where you can go wrong on internet dating sites

Are they who they say there are?

Most people these days are fairly aware of this problem on these internet dating sites. It is important not to go into an internet dating situation with a ‘guilty until proven innocent’ attitude. In the vast majority of cases, people are who they say there are. Asking for a photo is always helpful and can often ease your mind.

What is most problematic on these internet dating websites is not the invention of totally different identities, i.e. a man saying he is a woman etc.  Rather it’s where someone creates a different persona that is not fully grounded in the reality of their everyday life and personality.

For Example:
Profile Statement:  ‘I am a man searching for a committed relationship.’
Just because he believes this to be true doesn’t mean that is what he is capable of giving. Always do a reality test in this kind of situation. Does your prospective internet date have a history of committed relationships, if not, then why not?

Profile Statement: ‘I am just an easy-going, fun-loving and bubbly person.’
Remember that people on these internet dating sites are trying to promote themselves. Sometimes people cross the boundaries of representing a good image of themselves into creative fiction. No-one is ever ‘everything you dreamed of’ and this is no different on the internet.

Getting too intense too quickly due to these internet dating sites:

This is the biggest no-no on the internet. In a chat environment where they are no physical constraints, and anonymity provides a feeling of safety, it is easy to open up some of your deepest hopes and fears other than normal face to face dating. This is great, but don’t confuse the process of opening up with the process of ‘falling in love.’

If you feel yourself getting into this situation and you are losing control, then it’s time to step back from the online internet dating environment and walk towards an offline dating experience. There is nothing like an awkward coffee date to bring you back down to earth about the complex realities of relationship communication.

Long Distance Internet Dating Relationships

Long distance online internet dating relationships can work, and I have many clients who have made it work. Yet, this is definitely an area where you have to be level headed in assessing the practical chances of things happening offline. If you are both divorced with three kids, what is the chance of you leaving your kids to live with each other? These questions need to be confronted right from the word go in internet dating, or getting in too deep without the possibility of a practical day-to-day relationship could be quite a problem.

Why I think internet dating is great.

If you pay attention to some of these key dangers, then internet dating can certainly be a great experience. Even if things don’t work out, you can connect and make some really good friends.  Internet dating breaks down many geographic and time barriers, opening us up to a new world of social experience. If we embark on the internet dating journey as not just about finding the ‘right one’ but about opening up our horizons, meeting new people, and leaning more about yourself, then this tends to be an enriching experience for most people. So, get your mouse ready and click your way to a new world of an internet dating opportunity.

Bede Nicholson is a gifted psychic clairvoyant and author, who has written extensively on contemporary personal relationships.